With the winter months now firmly behind us, and the supportive cocoon of Dry January but a distant memory, spring can be a time when the pressure to drink can start to creep back in.
Whilst an increasing number of us are coming round to the benefits of cutting back or ditching the booze, for a lot of the time this will put you in the minority. This can be difficult for us humans because as a social species, our instinct is to run with the pack. To follow the crowd. As the calendar fills up with social events – weddings, birthday parties, dinners, nights out – you quickly realise that most social events in the UK are built upon the premise of ‘having a few drinks’.
Deep down everyone might know that booze isn’t doing them much good, but as a society we still view it as the gateway to a good time, so we cajole and prod each other into it. “You’re not drinking, don’t be boring!” “Ah come on, loosen up, you can have one” Sound familiar? For someone who was used to being one of the party people, who was the self-appointed life and soul, I found this particularly challenging. Indeed, so many of my runs at sobriety ended because someone called me boring for not drinking, or jokingly said I was lightweight or couldn’t handle it. Childish I know, but true.
So how do you navigate the pressure to drink, without becoming a hermit and avoiding drink centred events all together? I’m glad you asked, let me run you through my Socialising Sober – Spring Survival Guide
1. Don’t stay too long
Almost every event I went on turned into a marathon drinking session. A few drinks would easily turn into eight hours bar hopping. A work event would lead to a nightclub or an after party. Even a diner party or gathering at someone’s house would run to six hours. I could do that because I was hyped up/blacked out on booze. The alcohol numbed my brain to the point that spending long spells in the same company repeating ourselves loudly seemed fun. Sober, it won’t. So don’t feel like you need to stay.
Master the Irish Exit (leaving without announcing it or saying goodbye). No one will notice, they will all be drunk and you will save yourself the hassle of all the “Ah just stay for a bit longer, have another drink” drama. Just slip out and give yourself a high five. Also, remember the hassle getting home after a night out used to be? Squinting at your phone with one eye to try and see the train times. Trying to find a taxi that would take you? Not any more friend. Now you can just hop in the car and cruise on home.[AW3]
2. Remember, you don’t even have to go
If you are seriously worried about a particular event, or think there is a good chance you will go and struggle to stay sober…just don’t go. Sorry to sound bossy, but seriously, put sobriety first. What are you going to miss really? Another rubber chicken dinner at a work do? Another session down the pub with your mates? The first round of social events sober is the hardest part, and there will be plenty more when you are feeling stronger and more able to handle them. You don’t even have to make a big deal about it. Just tell a white lie. Sorry, I’ve already got something on that night (a gym session and then a hot bath). Think about all the parties you went to where someone wasn’t there. Where’s John? Oh, he’s not coming. What was your reaction? It wasn’t a big deal. You shrugged and tore back into the booze. That’s what everyone else will do.
3. Break it up
Even if you want to go, and stay at a party until the wee small hours, it doesn’t mean you need to be ‘on’ the full time. Without booze, even the best parties might require you to take a break. Most other events that run for more than a couple of hours factor in breaks. Presentations, seminars, training, even entertaining things like the theatre all have intervals factored in as they know that after an hour or so, we switch off or need to stretch our legs and move around. Put social events into the same bucket. Give yourself a break whenever you feel like it. If it’s a big venue, go and explore a section that isn’t part of your function. Go outside for a bit of fresh air or a quick walk. Chill out in reception for five minutes. At first I was self-conscious about doing this and used to pretend to be taking a call. Or that I was going to the bathroom, but eventually you realize no one cares if you disappear for a break now and again and stop making excuses for it.
4. Fake it till you make it
I can go to parties now and say I don’t drink and it’s no big deal. I don’t feel awkward or apologetic about it. I say no thanks to the alcoholic drink offered and ask for something else instead. The same way a vegetarian might say no thanks to the beef and order the pasta. For the first few parties, (actually for the first 8 months) this was definitely not the case. It is a big change, and you might feel under pressure to drink. You might feel awkward about not drinking and feel the need to explain. It will get easier, but for the first few parties the last thing you need is having to talk about it unnecessarily. Why put yourself through it? Just hang on to something that looks like it could be an alcoholic drink (most people assume anything in a tall glass is a vodka or gin mix) and it means that when your asked if you want a drink, you can just say “I’m good for now, thanks”. No drama. No one will notice. They will all be fixated on their own drink, and if they have enough.
5. Channel your inner David Attenborough
Once it gets to the later stages of the evening, the more enthusiastic drinkers will be on another level to you. It’s never kind to be smug, especially as its likely we’ve done something worse, but taking some time just to observe these people can remind you of what you want to avoid . The inner David Attenborough monologue style is optional, but it always makes me laugh.
“And here we see Simon from accounts. Normally a rather timid creature in the office, occasionally spotted popping his head up from his monitor in a meerkat-like fashion, it is extremely rare to see him strut around a venue with such bravado and confidence. Notice how he invades the personal space of the others in the group as he sways on his feet, and sprays his saliva far and wide as he makes inappropriate jokes in a booming voice.”
“And as we move towards the bar area, we see signs of aggression and frustration from Colin, who has chosen this moment, eight pints deep and sweating profusely, to share his dissatisfaction at the size of this year’s bonus pot with the chief executive. As he makes his case for increased remuneration and promotion, one can only assume the tie wrapped around his head karate kid –style, is doing him no favours.”
6. Forgive and forget
When you are at a drink centred social event (all of them), and especially if you make it to the later stages, there’s a chance you will be reminded of your own previous drunken behaviour. There were many times I was observing others, and would be struck by a flashback of a time when I was in a similar state, or often worse. I would physically cringe as I remembered these occasions. I would feel guilty/ashamed/mortified depending on the memory. When this happens, cut yourself some slack. Reflect on that memory of being ‘the drinking you’. Forgive yourself, move on, and focus on how much better you feel as the non-drinking you.
7. Play it forward
If I really want to stay at a social event and am finding it tough not to drink and none of the above are cutting it, I visualise the next morning. There’s a saying I heard somewhere that resonated with me: “When we drink, we just steal happiness from the next day.”
Think about how bad your hangover used to be after a party. About the wasted day in bed with a sore head and the feeling of anxiety and despair. All the regrets as you piece together your night.
Now picture the mornings you have when you don’t drink. When you wake up feeling great. Whilst everyone else here is still in bed groaning, you will have been to the gym and had a steam and sauna. Or been out at the park or done something productive or that you enjoy. That’s your payback – that’s your reward.
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