But drinking makes me feel good, doesn’t it?
I used to believe that drinking made me feel good, but I’ve since realised this was just another lie that alcohol sold me.
As well as the improvements in my physical appearance that I noticed as I backed away from the booze, there were lots of internal wins that I could feel happening the longer I stayed sober:
1. More Energy
The difference between my energy levels pre and post drinking is huge. When I was drinking, I was always struggling through the day mid-week. When I got in from work, I had no energy left. I wanted to flop onto the sofa, switch off my brain and watch Netflix until bedtime. Even really basic stuff like hanging up the washing, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom – these all seemed like huge, insurmountable challenges. I had to mentally summon up on the gumption to get these things done.
Now I have so much energy, I don’t want to sit still when I get in from work. I’m looking for things to do. Tasks like emptying the dishwasher get done without thinking about it. They are routine, no sweat. Plus, just doing them when they need done, at the time, saves all the mental anguish of putting them off, or having a debate with my wife about whose turn it is to do them.
2. Increased productivity
Linked to this, and another multiplier type effect was increased productivity. Along with the increased energy to do things, I also had an increased focus and attention span to do them. You don’t need me to quote scientific studies to know that after a few drinks, you become distracted and don’t want to get much work done. (There’s one at the bottom though if you do.)[i] There was nothing that derailed my productivity quite like booze. Even when I wasn’t directly under the influence, it still sapped my attention and made it difficult to focus. Tasks took longer than expected, or didn’t get started at all. Lots of them got flung into the ‘maybe next week’ column of the to-do list. When you go sober, your focus and attention span will improve, allowing you to do more.
3. Sunnier disposition
Before going sober, relatively minor things could often have a disproportionate impact on my mood, or cause an overreaction. I only realised this when I was in the showers at the gym, about a year sober. The first shower I tried was cold. Not as in, “oh it’s not quite as hot as I like it” but “mother of god are you trying to give me a heart attack,” cold.
I tried a few more showers but they were all the same. Eventually I thought sod it lets give it a go. Once I got my head and shoulders under it wasn’t that bad. I put my hair and shower gel on just out of range of the ice blast, then went under and rinsed it off quickly. Granted it was intense, but I was clean and certainly fresh.
As I was coming out of the shower, another guy asked me if the one I left was cold as well. I said, “Yeah I think they are all the same”. He went on a rant about the amount he was paying for his membership, about how much of a disgrace it was. He was furious.
I found myself trying to calm him down, telling him about an interesting article I had read about the health benefits of cold showers, especially after exercise. “Reduced muscle fatigue, improved immunity, it can even boost your mood”[ii]. I’ve just had one there mate and surprisingly, I feel pretty good, it’s worth a try”.
He looked at me like I was insane and said, “Fuck that, I’m going to speak to the manager.” Off he went, marching on out to reception in his flip flops. I remember having a similar reaction to a cold shower the morning I woke up in a hotel with a murderous hangover. I was hoping that a hot shower would miraculously wash away some of the pain. Just like Mr Angry Flip Flops I was furious when the water ran cold and vented said fury on the hotel manager. It didn’t get me anywhere. The water was out for the entire block, there was nothing the manager could do. I didn’t feel good about how I had spoken to him later on, and I still had the immediate choice of either getting the cold shower, or not having one.
Now I’m sober, I’m much more able to handle minor setbacks, or changes of plan without making a drama out of it. And it makes life easier. I was changed, and walking out of the gym by the time Mr Angry Flip Flops had finished having a go at the receptionist. “There’s nothing she can do about it,” he informed me. “It won’t be fixed until Monday at the earliest, mate.” I didn’t care, I was showered already and headed out to the sunshine.
I made up the last bit for effect. It was Glasgow in October, so I walked out into gale force winds and rain , but at least I was clean and able to get on with the rest of my day.
4. Unearthing the real me
For close to twenty years, I thought that booze brought out the real me. The Party Paddy who loved going out in big groups, being the centre of attention, and going from one noisy venue to the next. I thought I was a huge extrovert. I now realise that’s not me at all. I would much rather spend time with people one on one or in a small group and I don’t like being the centre of attention all the time (though I still have my moments). My perfect weekend is much more likely to involve reading a good book, trips to the park, a bit of writing, and going to someone’s house for lunch. Staying out at a noisy club, or burning through cash in the casino until 3 am is now my idea of hell.
What happened? Why the change? A huge, eureka like moment for me was realising that booze wasn’t bringing out the real me at all. It was just that I was anxious and nervous in a group setting, and I learned that I could use booze as an instant cheat sheet to socialise with ease. I could go from struggling to look you in the eye when you introduced yourself, to dragging you up for a dance in the space of a few drinks. I spent twenty years thinking that this altered state was who I was supposed to be. I chased the chances to feel like that. I never wanted to spend time alone. I wanted to be out, in big groups partying. Boozing.
Now that I had stopped drinking, the real, ‘real me’, who had been drowning under a sea of booze for the last twenty years, was getting a chance to come back out. And it turned out he was a lot like the teenager who had started drinking. He hadn’t really changed, he was still anxious and quiet in a group setting, but he was also a lot kinder and thoughtful and less self-centred than Party Paddy.
Now that I wasn’t striving to be an over-confident, exaggerated version of myself, I could get a chance to know him, and get comfortable in my own skin. I was able to work through a lot of hang ups and insecurities that teenage Paddy had, and put some effort into learning about what I genuinely liked and didn’t – what made me feel good, what made me feel bad. Basic things that I’m sure most people just pick up gradually as they go from teen to adult, without being smashed for most of it.
5. Food tastes better
I appreciate that ‘unearthing the real me’ is quite heavy, soul searching stuff, so let’s lighten things up with some practical ones. You know all that chat about red wine making meat taste better, and making sure to pair white wine with fish? It’s all bollocks. Deep down you knew it was bollocks. (Mmm I’m definitely getting a hint of oak from this Chablis… chomped down on many oak trees have you?) Drinking alcohol, be it fancy red wine, or pints of super strength cider, impairs your sense of taste[iii]. When you’re next out for dinner in a big group, look around at the people adding loads of salt and pepper to their food, or asking for some chilli flakes. I bet it’s the faster drinkers.
When I was drinking, I viewed going out for dinner as a waste of time, eating was a chore, an unnecessary expense that was eating into the all-important drinking time. Now that I can properly taste it, and have not suppressed my appetite with eight pints, I appreciate and enjoy good food.
6. Less missed appointments
I was forever phoning up to cancel appointments, or just not showing up, because I couldn’t face them due to a hangover or because there was an unexpected drinking session to attend. I now make (and keep) way more appointments than before, for things that drinking me considered optional, but which were actually essential. I go to the GP whenever an ailment comes up I’m worried about, rather than just hoping it goes away on its own and adding it to the list of things to catastrophize about late at night. I regularly attend the dentist, hygienist and physiotherapist – my smile and back have never been happier!
7. I wake up where I’m supposed to be
Funny thing, I never wake up on the couch of a random flat with no idea how I got there after going for one or two tonics after work. No more awkward chats, no more piecing together the night by joining together snippets of memories, analysing bank statements or voicemails. Now, I wake up where I’m supposed to. Every single time. It never gets old.
8. My conscience is clearer
I was plagued by ‘the fear’. I dreaded the Monday morning, or the next day “Oh, here is. Enjoy yourself last night, big man?” or “You better hope the boss had left before you (insert hilarious anecdote of me making an arse of myself)” style chats.
Piecing together how bad I was and what fires I needed to put out after a blackout drinking session were a normal part of my life. When I spoke to people the next day, I would be analysing their behaviour to try and pick up on signs that I had offended them the night before. I was a paranoid mess. All that is gone. I know what I did last night, and every other night. I was there, present, with my faculties and all important inhibitions intact. Sooo much easier.
9. Stepping off the “should I drink tonight?” roundabout.
I wasted so much mental energy on this. If there was an event coming up, I would run through the pros and cons of drinking at it. Should I drink at this one? It’s a work event and I made an arse of myself last time, maybe I shouldn’t drink and keep a low profile. But everyone else will be drinking. It will look weird if you don’t, especially after the last one, like you’ve got a problem or something. Maybe you could go but just have a couple…but you struggle with having a couple. Maybe you shouldn’t drink at all. Maybe you should just not go, maybe that would be easier.
This internal back and forth would rage for weeks in the build-up to said event and was pointless. I went. I drank. I got shit-faced. Every. Single. Time.
I no longer need to put myself through this. My default setting is that I don’t drink. It’s that easy. So whether you are choosing to stop forever, trying Dry January, or considering the 99% sober approach, it’s worth giving it a go.
The longer you stay sober, the easier it gets to see the positives of sobriety. The balance tips and it becomes obvious that you are gaining so much more than you are missing out on by not drinking. It becomes a no brainer of a choice.
Patrick@99percentsober.com
Instagram @99percentsober
[i] hørrisen, Mikkel Magnus T. “Association between alcohol consumption and impaired work performance (presenteeism): a systematic review.” NCBI, 16 July 2019, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6661906/. Accessed 8 October 2023.
[ii] Hame, Sharon. “6 cold shower benefits to consider.” UCLA Health, 25 January 2023, https://www.uclahealth.org/news/6-cold-shower-benefits-consider. Accessed 8 October 2023.
[iii] Graff, Steve, and Abbey Anderson. “Effects of Smoking and Alcohol on Smell and Taste (It’s Not What You Think).” Penn Medicine, 10 April 2017, https://www.pennmedicine.org/news/news-blog/2017/april/effects-of-smoking-and-alcohol-on-smell-and-taste. Accessed 9 October 2023.
