I’m pro-choice recovery, I don’t believe there is a one size fits all approach. So the below, and in fact all of these blogs, come with the caveat that I’m sharing with you what worked for me. The wise counsel from the 1970s sitcom, “Different Strokes” should be kept in mind at all times:
“Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you, may not be right for some…”
Or if you want to get all highbrow about it, as the German philosopher, Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche quipped in back in the 1800s:
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
There nothing prescriptive about the 99% sober approach, so I use the term “how it works” loosely. I stumbled upon the approach after a six month stint of 100% sobriety came to an abrupt end on a stag do in July 2022.
I was trying full blown sobriety (again, for the umpteenth time) as drinking in moderation does not work for me, and my drinking was having a terrible impact on my life. When I drink, it’s in a foot to the floor, all or nothing fashion. Usually best avoided. At the same time, if I feel like I am depriving myself, abstinence will only work for a period of time. Eventually my will power will run out and I will end up drinking again.
I started to ask myself, what if rather than setting myself up for a fall, bouncing between failed moderation attempts and bursts of abstinence, I decide to be dry by default, but drink on the occasions when it will enhance my experience? When I would be able to look back the next day and feel like the hangover was worth it, and I would do it again?
If you’re at the stage I was at before my six month sobriety stint, you’ll think only drinking on occasions when it will enhance your experience is a nonsense statement. Your mind set will be that drinking on any occasion can enhance your experience. I get it. I used to agree.
But that’s why I would say you need three to six months of sobriety to give yourself a chance. The longer the period you can spend sober, the more space you will have in your life for things other than drinking. And the more you experience things sober, the less likely you will feel that alcohol actually does enhance the experience, or that alcohol is making your life better overall.
After six months off, it was undeniable that my life was a million times better without booze. I knew that my sleep, finances, relationships, confidence, self-respect and one hundred and one other things had all skyrocketed since choosing to stop. I knew that logically, the benefits of not drinking massively outweighed the exceptionally rare times when it genuinely did enhance the experience for me. I knew all that.
But after six months sober, I also knew myself a whole lot better as well. I knew that deep down, I would always feel hard done by. That I was depriving myself of something if I was to rule out the possibility of ever joining in on a stag do. And so I flexed my approach from 100% sober, to 99%.
For me, going 99% sober took the power away from alcohol. I wasn’t “giving up”. I was choosing not to. And, in the same way, I would also choose when I did want to. I would decide when it was worth it. Will it serve me? Does it enhance my experience? Rather than just running out of will power at a random event 6 months down the line.
It might sound trivial, but that 1% wiggle room, just keeping the door slightly ajar and giving myself the option, meant that I no longer felt like I was depriving myself of anything. I wasn’t poor abstinent Paddy with his non-drinking cross to bear. I had made a choice, and continued to make the choice, not to drink. It works for me. It might be worth a shot for you.
Patrick@99percentsober.com
Instagram @99percentsober
